Except from  beginning of  Chapter 1 of Wall of Shadows

    Gina was still fidgety when Karl returned to his office.  At least she hadn't locked herself in.    She was studying a photograph of Karl and his two godsons and whirled around at the sound of the door closing.

    "Is she gone?"

     "For good I hope although she did warn me that her attorneys would be calling."

    "If they do, I'll tell them we aren't taking on any new patients," Gina cracked, calm humour replacing the tightness in her voice.

    Gina looked over her shoulder and said, "You know, I've always loved this picture. It's the only thing in here that's just about you."

    It was true.  The picture had been taken off the coast of the Big Island a few years earlier and it showed Karl in his element - at sea on a boat, godsons clad in life vests his sides like puffy blue bookends.  Stretching out his lean, tall frame as he concentrated his gaze forward, he looked tan, relaxed and content - everything he had not been for months.

    "Nothing gets past you, does it?" Karl teased, easing into his desk chair.

    "Not if I can help it.”

    Gina took a seat in the red leather club chair and said, “So, what about the Bride of Godzilla? She's gone, thank God, but so is all her money."

    "Take your eyes off the bottom line for a minute, it'll do you good.  Remember the first time she came here?"

    They shared an unrestrained laugh at the memory.

    "Looked like a long-legged Ernest Borgnine clutching a picture of Diane Lane as her ideal face and body," Gina snorted.  "And I'll be damned if you didn't come close. Now, if you had just been able to do something about the voice…"

     The humour left Karl's face, replaced by sadness and just a touch of disgust.

    "This wasn't what I signed on for, Gina," he said as he looked out the window.  "I chose this field to help people who need it, not to turn unattractive rich women into beauties just to feed their bloated egos."

    "I know you did.”

      Gina knew everything about the office and her people like the back of her hand, something she rarely had to use to keep her well-ordered domain humming along.  While she had only worked with Karl for less than a year, she had managed the practice for more than fifteen years, bringing her efficiency, dedication and even parenting skills to the doctor whose history lined the walls of Karl's office.  Like Dr. Nelson, Karl was a gifted surgeon and compassionate man.  But while Dr. Nelson had worn the cloak of practice ownership comfortably, Karl was increasingly unsettled and unhappy in his profession, a drowning man flailing at answers just out of reach.

    “You know how much I admired Dr. Nelson,” Karl said.

    “Sure I do. It was admiration and respect and appreciation…and it was mutual.    Dr. Nelson always talked about you with such pride."

    Karl leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment.

     “The man was a god to me during my residency," he said with naked honesty.  "He made me the doctor I am, not medical school, and taught me that compassion is just as important as surgical skill…maybe more.  I've never met a doctor who had such grace in all aspects of his profession."

    Gina let out a chuckle. “Dr. Nelson and I had our share of moments that weren't exactly full of grace, but that comes with running a business, I guess.  He was one of a kind, no doubt about that."

    The two fell silent, each focusing on their own memories of the man who had meant so much to them.   While their memories were similar, their perspectives were quite different.  When Dr. Nelson first became ill, Gina had stretched her abilities to the limit holding the business together. Karl was more than willing to step up, honoured that his idol trusted him with a successful practice.  Of course, everyone looked at the arrangement as temporary, a few weeks at most; but, a fatal heart attack turned Karl's structured world upside down.   Staying out of a sense of responsibility to the staff and Mrs. Nelson, almost a year had peeled off the calendar.  Gina knew it was not what he wanted but he couldn't find an exit sign anywhere.

    She pulled herself up straight and leaned onto the desk.  "You need satisfaction from your work and you're not getting it here."

     "It's what I said before, I always saw myself doing reconstructive work for people in need, maybe even doing a stint abroad. I got a lot of satisfaction working in the hospital and clinic all those years…but then I came here."  He paused, like he was sifting through his words carefully.  "Now all I do is enable self-absorbed people trying to run from their age and the faces and bodies they were born with.  I'm not just dissatisfied, Gina.  I'm becoming disgusted with myself."

    Gina sat speechless for a moment.  "I had no idea it had gotten this bad.  I should have paid closer attention…I'm sorry."

    "There's nothing to apologize for," Karl said as he looked right at her.  "You do a great job of running this practice.  You can't spend your time trying to decipher what's inside my head."

    "I'm just…" Gina let her voice trail off.

    “I would hate to look back twenty years from now full of regret, that's all,” Karl concluded, leaning into his leather chair, stretching his back with hands clasped behind his head.

    "I don't want that for you either."

     It hadn’t always been like that.  At first Karl was apparently happy with the new challenge that lay before him. Gina and he worked closely together every day to maintain the practice.  As their professional relationship grew naturally, a deeper personal connection took its own course. But then she watched his demeanour begin to change.  His kindness to patients never wavered, nor did his respect for the staff. His work was, as always, first class.  Now his mood was darker, he experienced no joy in his work, and he kept more and more of his thoughts private; but, not today.

    “I’m sorry to lay all that on you when I’m leaving.  I know you fret about this place all the time; wondering if your doctor is coming back from vacation is something you do not need.”

     "I know you and I’m not worried, but it seems like this vacation couldn't come at a better time.  I mean it, Karl.  You need to get away from this place and try to figure out what’s needed for you, without all the everyday stuff hitting you from all sides."

     "You're right. I think it's going to do me a lot of good."